PROMETHEUS
BASIC PLOT
A team of explorers discover a clue to the origins of mankind on Earth. Leading them on a journey to the darkest corners of the universe.
CAST
Noomi Rapace as Shaw
Michael Fassbender as David
FACT
Charlize Theron is in this movie but i still cant figure out why.
THOUGHTS AND BEST BITS
Pish. Pure and utter pish. Its story is weak the directing is poor and the casting is mental.
Ok fuck it im tearing this shit up spoilers alert lol so starting with the story. This is a prequel to ALIEN(1979) its set before Ripley and her crew are out in space digging up space rocks or what ever and its ment to tell the story of how the whole alien set up came to be and even show us more of the legendary space jockey. BUT all it does is mind fuck you.
We start with some huge mr olympian space man who swallows the worst vodka shot ever and dies this then sets about n motion the dawn of mankind. Now then we have some Indian Jones wannabes digging up hillsides in Scotland looking for clues on cave paintings. Now even if i let go these made up paintings around the world they use why would they kill themselves and then come back to hang out with us and paint shit and leave us a map system lol ? it makes fuck all sense.
Now once we get to this unknown planet we have technology thats far ahead of the original ALIEN(1979) movie and even though they have this technology they cant fucking use it to find the exit to a building this just went into lol i mean how fucking hard is it to walk back out the way you came in or use the map and radar you have.
Now as for the space jockey well hes not a jockey hes the mr olympian i was telling you about the large alien is not an alien with strange shapes and bones and shit like it looked in the original hes a guy with a space suit on. Its like when someone tells you how the magic trick works and takes away the mystery and this mystery was space raped by Scott as he takes away all the magic of what that alien was and could have been and replaces it with i giant man muscle.
Now as for what the mr olympian space men where up to well it turns out they dont create the alien they created black goo ? yeh as you do. They create this black goo shit that reacts differently with different life forms. So once it gets on some space worm it becomes a giant space snakecock. And once some twat drinks the goo it then makes his sperm into an alien baby maker.... that he conveniently gets to use on a crew member and impregnates her and then we get a different type of alien more like the facehugger we know. Now when some ginger guy falls face first into the goo he then turns into bendy zombie man and goes around killing people for no reason. And while this is all going on it turns out the giant olympians created us on one planet the traveled billions on miles away onto another planet to then create black goo. And they intend on going back to us with the black goo and using it on us ?. All this and much more are wrong with this film but i dont even wanna spend all night bitching about it lets move on.
Ok so forget the giant pointless plot holes and forget the why when and where we still have a poor directed film. I mean with the space goo in jars we have no actual bad guy or monster to be afraid of we have nothing to be afraid of what so ever. What we do have is a film made thirty years after the first film with an audience thats much smarter and much more desensatised to shock and horror so this film can give us nothing but story and with so much wrong with it it leaves you with not much to view.
And even smaller mistakes like the cast members just the volume of people that are on this space ship and on this planet is maybe more realistic but with so many we never get to see them all or grow any feelings for them so we dont give a shit when they die no matter how horrible they do die. Most of them are just faceless background actors and fubar. As for the actual cast members we are ment to care about well like i said before i have no fucking clue as to why Charlize whats her face is in this movie. And i dont mean just her as an actress i mean the character ? she brings nothing to this movie dont get me wrong i like the bitch shes got a nice ass n long legs but still shes as much use in this movie as an ashtray on a motor bike. As for the rest of the cast well we could easily ditch like 60% of them lol and you wouldnt notice and our leading female while cute and a good actress really she has nout much to do other than go in and out some space building ten times for no reason. As for the rest of them i couldnt give a shit about them nor could i name one of the characters or actors in this movie as you are given no chance to get to no them.
All in this is a poor show from Ridley and i might be worth a watch now and then but its no horror or alien movie its just a light weight space junk adventure flick. If you get a chance to watch do so but please god dont pay for it on dvd lol. This movie rapes my childhood thoughts and dreams of a space man that travels across the universe and carries eggs did some thing get on board on some other planet jump him kill him and lay eggs all over the place or was he carrying them ?? the thoughts the ideas the crazy worlds you build in your head and hope for in a new movie and nahhhh just some space Schwarzenegger guy in a suit fuck you Scott fuck you.
Best quote: "no mam".
124 mins long. cert 18. 2012
This gets 4 out of 10 on my finger scale.
